Dead and Dreaming

New episodes of Gravity Falls, yeah!

I haven’t seen Les Mis yet.

Motorcity.

Hey, friends.  Sorry for being pretty much non-existent.  But I’ve been away from Tumblr and I’ve honestly discovered I’ve been a lot happier and better mentally and stably while away from it.

It’s by no means any fault of anyone!  It’s more just a me thing.  Having a captive, semi-anonymouse audience who are all ready to be sympathetic to me has me in this perpetual state of finding all of the things that I feel bad about then coming to tumblr to shout about them.  The negativity is self-perpetuating and it’s just not good for me.

So I’ll still come by from time to time because MOTORCITY FOR LIFE, YOU KNOW???  And the friends and people I’ve met through Motorcity, you all mean so much to me and I really love you all.  And it’s the best place for me to see everyone’s art.

But I think it’s time for me to finally step away from Tumblr.  It was fun!

sighs wearily

I wish I could sleep.  I wish I knew why I can’t ever sleep.  I really do not think it’s insomnia.  I guess it’s mostly just if I have something to focus on I can and will stay up indefinably until I get so exhausted that I just pass out.

But I’ve been doing it for so long that I can actually go for days only about 4 hours of sleep per day?

So when I DO get a good night’s rest my body just goes WOO OKAY NOW WE’VE GOT THE ENERGY TO GO.

Except it doesn’t.

It just has barely enough to keep scraping by.

I can’t shut my head up EVER.  I have to actually lay down and force myself to stay down and not think of ANYTHING in order to sleep.  If I let myself think I start thinking of stuff I want/feel like I need to do and I get up to go do it.

I guess the other good way to get me to sleep is make me watch a movie that I’ve already seen before and it’s not something I’m terribly interested in or wasn’t interested in in the first place.

Or let me be close to someone.  If I can be close to someone else and they let me touch them and I’m not too scared to ask if I can make the contact.  I can fall asleep pretty well.